I Might Be On To Something Here...

I just erased a very long post, in which I went on a rant about how I was a parasite to my friends, but then I realized it was really pointless cause no one would read it. 

Suffice it to say, I’m super depressed right now, and I broke my “don’t post your self-loathing inner monologue on the internet, it makes you look like a whiny child” rule by talking about it.

So, here I am. I don’t know what I hope to gain by posting this, but it’s posted anyway. 

So I read once that if you encounter the dreaded writers block, the best method for overcoming it is by writing about something completely different in order to activate other regions of your brain. At least, I think I read that. I suppose I could be making it up. In either case, I am going to type out some things, stream-of-consciousness style in order to see what sticks. Here we go.

My first reaction is to write about all the things I plan to do when I inevitably (it IS inevitable, right?) get more time to do stuff. First, I plan on quitting Reddit, FOREVER. Reddit has kind of become my default activity, and for better or worse, it has made me more aware of the goings-on of the universe. However, for all of it’s knowledge-giving qualities, it is, more than anything else, a ridiculous time waster, and it isn’t even time I enjoy wasting. Thus, I want to stop going there. An ancillary benefit from this is that I won’t be exposed to so much atheist/liberal rhetoric—that stuff gets tiring as sin.

Another thing I want to do is start lifting weights again. I have been super skinny for the entirety of my life, and I want to change that by getting huge. Those of you who have spent any amount of time around me know that I eat like a toddler who has access to entirely irresponsible amounts of money. In spite of this, I have failed to gain any weight, which I will attribute to my ungodly-fast metabolism, since that is, in fact, what causes the phenomenon of calorie/fat burning to occur. Because of this, gaining muscle weight will be difficult, but not impossible. This is going to become a high priority, for sure.

I may start a side business where I build PCs for people who want a specialty machine. Through my own adventures getting my previous battlestation up and running, I have learned a lot about current gen hardware, and so I will be able to build top of the line machines for much less than specialty stores such as Alienware of iBUYPOWER. Also, Apple, but if I am less price-efficient than Apple, good Lord am I doing it wrong. So, if you are looking to build a PC for video editing or gaming or whatever intense tasks that an all-in-one won’t do, I am your man, man.

We are potentially moving in a couple of weeks, and I am SUPER stoked about that. I have shared a room with my younger brothers for the past few years, and having some solitude in my own house will be nice once again. I will still be very local; the house is in Oldsmar, so those of you who were lamenting losing me (very many of you, I am sure) can rest easy—I ain’t goin’ nowhere.

I am rapidly approaching the end of my term at St. Petersburg College. I do not currently know how many more credits I need for my AA in Engineering, but it is not many. This, of course, means I will be transferring to another school to work on my BaS in Comp Sci, hopefully FSU via SPC, but potentially USF or UCF. It all depends on where I can get in, so prayer for that would be much appreciated.

I recently started getting into the music of my friend, Kerry Courtney, and let me tell you something, dear reader: that dude can sing. I haven’t seen Kerry in about five years, but he and I grew up together after having met each other at our church. His band is called Goodnight Neverland, and they are pretty dang good, but his solo stuff is what got me to write about him. You see, Kerry has, like many great artists, gone through some really rough stuff, namely the loss of his wonderful mother early last year to cancer. Most of what I have seen of his solo work has been covers of various artists, but the song Blood by The Middle East really stuck with me. It should be known that I am not a fan of The Middle East, but Kerry’s cover is fantastic. Here’s a link: 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ahcBZg6r480&feature=plcp&context=C45b27acVDvjVQa1PpcFPHhCxPPLwaVQpqXQKu4p1y9C5i_gIabuE=

The passion in this dude’s heart is so evident in this video, and I implore you to give it a listen. 

Earlier this year I wrote that I want to read more and write more, and I am happy to report that I have been doing that first part pretty faithfully. I started reading Game of Thrones, and that book is super incredible. The TV series is pretty badass,  too. I am still working on the writing aspect of that post, but hey, here we are. 

That’s all for now. I have no solid transitions between any of those thoughtful paragraphs, so if you were thinking of complaining about my flow, don’t bother. May you be triumphant in all battles you face.

Last night I finally got around to watching a movie I had been hyped for since I saw the trailer. I missed the theatrical release, but Redbox had my back, and I picked it up from there. Spoilers from here onward, by the way.

The film is marvelous. It struck a chord with me from the opening scene, which happened to be a scene following JGL’s daily routine and foreshadowing his character. He plays a borderline OCD dude who works at a fictional NPR, where he has spent “months” on a single piece about a volcano that no one cares about except him. JGL’s character, Adam, goes through his life without taking risks in any way: He doesn’t drive a car because they are too dangerous in his eyes; he doesn’t cross the street whilst running unless the crossing light says he may—basically, he doesn’t do anything unless he has calculated the risks and deemed it to be acceptable. 

Adam is a great character throughout the movie. His interactions with his therapist, Katherine, are, in my opinion, the best scenes in the movie. Katherine is a student at a nearby medical school, and is ostensibly doing an internship at the hospital where Adam is diagnosed with cancer. Katherine tries to do everything by the books when dealing with Adam; she tells him that his various emotional states are common among patients, and Adam very quickly grows tired of being told his case is nothing special. Without going into too much detail, I found the interactions between the two to be spectacularly well written, and I anticipate, much like (500)DoS, I will come back to this movie multiple times over because of them.

Speaking of (500)DoS, the reason I wanted to write about 50/50 was because it resonated with me in the same way (500)DoS and Eternal Sunshine did. It somehow managed to cut into my brain, and take up residence there. I am unsure why any of these movies do that—something tells me it is the melancholy atmosphere in all of them that I identify with in some manner. Perhaps, though, I am over-analyzing things, as I so often do.

I don’t know what I mean by any of this. There’s a whole mess of things going on in my head right now, and I don’t know how to sort through all of them. I feel like I’m waiting for something or someone and I have no clue when I will find it/them. I guess I’ll find out. 

Bye for now.

re·solve

Resolutions are typically made by people who think that, through their actions or lack thereof, failed in some way, shape, or form during the previous year. They think that some arbitrarily assigned date that incorrectly counts the number of rotations the earth has made around the sun is significant enough to postpone changes they could have made much earlier in the year. I do not subscribe to this theory; I think that if you are to make a change to better yourself, you needn’t wait until the calendar resets. That being said, I am going to attempt to make some changes myself— it just so happens that I am making this decision 2 days into the new year. 

Rather than “resolve” (I put resolve in quotes because most new years resolutions crash and burn before groundhog day; so much for “firm” decision.) to eat better, to go to the gym daily, or any of the other extremely common resolutions people make, I am going to try and do the things on the following list:

#1: Read more books

I have a backlog of books that I have purchased that I have yet to get around to. For instance, I bought “The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo” May 2011, and since then I have seen the film based on the book. While I enjoy film and television, I am certain that Stieg Larsson tells his own story better than David Fincher did, even if Fincher IS a masterful director. I am not trying to read a certain number of books, or even specific type of book; No, I am merely attempting to read more.

#2: Write More

This is something I say I am going to do more of, but I always fail to do so. In fact, I started frequenting Tumblr to write, not to post amusing photos I found on the internet. I want to use this place as auxiliary storage for my brain. I have many many things kicking around up there, and I need to sort through it all in a tangible way.

#3: Procrastinate Less

We have all heard the joke where someone says they want to procrastinate less, but then decide to procrastinate less “tomorrow”. Well, I want to stop procrastinating today. I all too often submit due papers/projects/quizzes/homework at the last second, and this causes a multitude of other problems for me. Time to take initiative and just get it done.

#4: Stop Being A Social Jackass

I am socially retarded. I try and hide this fact (poorly, most of the time), but it remains true. Due to various insecurities and my upbringing, I will more often than not avoid social situations all together, ESPECIALLY if I don’t know many people there. I want to change this, so I guess now is a good time.

Anyway, that’s my list. Hopefully I can stick to at least a few of them this time. 

Happy New Year. Let’s hope its better than last year.